For Your Viewing Pleasure

Lani said she didn't mind if Imiki's face was visible and he has never been a foster kid so I am breaking no laws. So here it is The First Haircut!!!

Isn't he adorable!!

We got the haircuts last weekend so that they could go with Spidey and get a sibling picture made. Spidey's foster mom and I are giving that to Lani for Christmas. I have a lot of cute pics of DBG getting her haircut too, but all of them show her face. I also have some adorable shots of the 3 of them waiting to get their pics taken in their matching red and green Christmas pjs. But I can't post any of those, sorry, you will just have to use your imagination.

All 3 kids look remarkably alike, Imiki looks a lot like Spidey did when he was younger, except Spidey was always much skinnier. And DBG looks a lot like both her brothers but with feminine features. They are the most adorable kids around.

Outreach and connecting

This is one of the members of the second cast "Disco of the Dead", dancing with one of the spectators who is autistic and mentally retarded, but who is the sweetest, gentlest person you ever met. She absolutely loved being asked to come up and dance with the group.

Here Kendra is helping another young spectator make a "potion". They invite some of the small children up at various points in their show to help with things like this.

One of the great things about these performances is that the girls get to do a lot of outreach. They were performing at the local children's shelter house and were a delight interacting with the kids. They also sometimes dance at senior centers (more around the Christmas holidays) and spend time after the show talking with the seniors. I love the outreach part of this performance group. Most of the time they are performing for free at these functions. A wonderful service to the community.

This particular evening was also a chance to connect. We saw several of the families we know who are involved in foster care and spent time with them and the kids. At one point I don't know how it happened but I became responsible for the two hyperactive 6 year old boys of the group and they were literally pulling me in different directions. We finally settled on playing at the bubble truck. Then we had to race over to the inflatables, then race here, then there. In 5 minutes I was a wreck :-)

We got to see Spidey as he was there with his foster family. Can't show you the cute pic I got of Kendra and Spidey though, sorry. First thing Spidey asked me was where was Dancing Baby Girl, he really misses her and the social worker won't let them visit. (DBG was with her mother this past weekend as I had a festival obligation all day Saturday)

Anyway a pleasant evening of connections.

Lots of change for Dancing Baby Girl

I have been on the phone almost daily and nightly with DBG's Mom as she goes through quite a trial. I don't know how much I have posted about their situation, but she was a very young mother with no family support who got involved in drugs and had her oldest two children taken into care. We had Spidey and Dancing Baby Girl for awhile, then Spidey had to move because he was such a violent danger to DBG, and we kept DBG for almost 3 years before she was reunited.

To her credit DBG's Mom has been sober ever since they took her kids with a stable job and stable housing. The same could not be said for DBG's Dad, he continued to be in and out of jail on drugs charges, domestic violence and general threatening and aggression. He wound up going straight for about 6 months and the family was together, DBG, her baby brother who I will name Imiki (which is actually his Hawaiian name but not what he goes by), and Mom and Dad (they lost rights to Spidey along the way.

Things seemed to be going well for awhile and with two incomes their little household was making some progress. Unfortunately Dad fell off the straight and narrow and life exploded for Mom and the kids.

Mom is terrified that CPS will take the kids again (their still being an open protection case on DBG) and she is having to face the fact that Dad was actually lying to her and not paying bills, etc. So she is in financial doo doo, is having to leave her home and move back in with DBG's grandpa, Papaw. DBG will have to change daycares and Mom is in danger of losing her job as she has missed so much work and is basically an emotional basket case and not worth much when she does make it to work.

So I have been trying to lead her through the maze of getting more help and the legal issues of protecting the kids from the dad who gets abusive when he is drunk or high. It has not been a good time.

DBG's big brother

We had the delight of seeing DBG's older brother Spiderman at our church this morning. he was in respite while his family was on vacation and his respite providers are members of our church. They had called to check and make sure that it would be okay for Spiderman to come to church and since it was not a DBG weekend we were able to say okay. (DBG and Spiderman are not supposed to see each other, although occasionally we all run into each other, but with Spidey's foster Mom out of town this would not have been a good time to rock the boat, so I was appreciative of them checking).

Spidey recognized all of us, Doug doug, Sissy (that is what he has always called Kendra) and Daddy Doug. He sat right next to me through the whole church service and worked on his coloring books and then played me in awesome tic tac toe for a long time. Spidey gave great hugs and was very appropriate. It was obvious he recognized some people from when he used to attend church with us, but it has been so long that he wasn't comfortable talking to any one.

When church was over he gave us all big hugs again and went quite calmly off with his respite mom. That parting was my one concern, given that he was on edge about missing his foster mom already. But it was great to see him and to know that he still cares about us. Apparently he was telling his respite mom all about going places with me, as they live only about a half mile from us so he was going to the same grocery and the same swimming pool and the same church as he had when he lived with us.

I can't remember how much I have written about Spidey, not much I think since I just named him today in this post. Spidey has the unique distinction of being the only foster child in 20+ years of fostering that we have ever asked to have removed from our home. He came to us at 3 years old straight out of a month in the psych hospital. He had been bounced from family member to family member, been through foster care two different times, each time placed in multiple homes and he came to me for his 12th official placement, (I was DBG's 4th Mom at 9 months of age.)

Spidey is very RAD, has ADHD out the wazoo, anxiety problems, aggression issues, ODD, and OCD. Anyway he is a handful.

We could not keep Spidey because he was an extreme danger to DBG. Spidey was a drug baby, the product of multi generational domestic violence, not only his parents but also his maternal grandparents with whom he was placed for 9 months. He attacked not only DBG but also our large loving black Lab. Every evening in the bath I would find new bite marks and new pinches and new scratches on DBG, even though I was watching and protecting her with all my might. Several times he attacked her in her own crib. As she was learning to walk, he would pounce on her from behind and hold her face down in the couch or the rug trying to "make her stop breathing" was what he would say. If his aggression had been an overt expression of his anger I could have dealt with it, but he was sneaky and would also attack out of the blue even when you thought he was happy. The last straw was when DBG, at about 15 months, would run screaming from him when he walked in the house and hide herself somewhere and shake and shake uncontrollably. Basically DBG was being abused in my home by her own brother.

So Spidey went to residential treatment for almost 9 months and then I got to be his 14th placement again, because they threatened to move DBG out of our house so they could be placed together once he was released from treatment. Well that lasted from the end of November through to early March when he became so self-harming that he had to be put in crisis stabilization for 10 days and at the end of that time it was decided to split the sibs for DBG's safety and Spidey went to live with his current foster mom.

Then the state did an about face on termination and decided to place DBG back with her birth parents just as her Mom was having baby #3 and Dad was in jail again on drug charges. But they encouraged, no forced, Mom and Dad to terminate on Spidey, so that they could get DBG back. So Spidey has been with his present foster home for about 16 months now. And he is doing really well for Spidey. (I don't disagree with the TPR as there is no way that these young folks could have handled Spidey and kept his two younger sibs safe, it is just ironic)

The state is now pressuring this foster home to adopt him and although they want to, they are wavering because the state is refusing to provide certain evaluations and services, as well as some other issues. (And we all know how easy it is to get those things post adoption.) So Spidey is still in limbo, with no web to call home.

But it was sure nice to spend some time with him today and to hear from his respite mom that he has fond memories of the time he was living with us.