DBG and the harvest

Well here is DBG with the harvest she helped me to gather. I have a nice garden this year and we have had plenty of rain. DBG is still coming by about twice a month for weekend visits. She is also going to dance class (driven by me) once a week and her little group will dance at the State Fair at the end of August. Much excitement about the dance class, as we had scheduling problems during the school year and she didn't get to dance then. DBG is pretty busy learning to read and write. We are the proud recipients of lots of cards on which she has written important messages about how much she loves us. She will be going to pre-kindergarten in the Fall, her birthday is well beyond the cut-off but I am sure she is well beyond the pre-kindergarten curriculum. What are you going to do?

KD is teaching dance class this Summer, her first solo teaching assignment. She has her permit but not her license. Still the search for the vehicle is on (she will be buying her own), she wants to get an old, old pickup truck and by old we are talking early to mid 1950s. We will see how realistic that is.

DJ had an opportunity earlier this summer to work on an island off the coast of Maine! And now he is working maintenance for the Children's Home that I work for. It seems to be a good fit. I am trying to either get him back in school to finish or work harder at preparing for the GED. He is not terribly motivated.

Son JM graduated from University of California Santa Cruz this June and has a retail job while he is considering his next move. He is very happy and settled out in Cali, I don't think we will see him home except for short visits from now on. :-(

So there's a little update on the kids.
I am working full time and more. DHubby's business is consulting for Foundations, and he hasn't had much work as all the Foundations portfolios suffered a 30% loss or so and their income was similarly effected. As you can imagine no one is beating down the doors to get help with technology upgrades right this minute. So the financial struggle continues for the family.

More Catch Up

Dancing Baby Girl is at that wonderful age where she can begin to do real projects with multiple steps.  Above she is working on one of our gingerbread creations.  She stayed engaged all the way through and was able to wait for icing to dry and whatnot.  She was so thrilled with her creation she didn't even want to eat it right away!

We are getting the pre-reading questions, "what does that sign say?" and "how do you spell....?"  In addition she is displaying quite the humor.  She got fascinated by the new T*co B*ll commercial about Black tacos and was cracking joke after joke about it.  We would be out driving and she would start in on saying the commercial but since she didn't know it verbatim she would throw in other things, like black road, black hair, black sky (it was at night).  She is a screech.

We are still getting some worrisome behaviors from her, they seem to be very balanced out by her wonderful caring side, but boy I get nervous when she starts her manipulative, selfish, self-centered, mean stuff.  Our new behavior policy of not tolerating the nasty talk backs and sending her to her room has seemed to help.  I just need to stop feeding into it all and take that emotional step back.  She is often doing these behaviors when I am at my worst, think she knows that?

Things with Lani, DBG's mother seem to be going well, or at least better.  She weathered the Christmas visit from DBG's Dad and did not waver in her determination to hold him to sobriety before he can come back into their lives.  Imiki's heart surgery (catheterizing to fix a hole) went very well and Lani did great with that also.  Lani's dad, Pawpaw, who had heart and kidney trouble before Christmas is back home and seems to be coming to terms with his disability.  And the good news, CPS closed the protective case on DBG and Lani is just feeling on top of the world with getting that last worry off her back.  It was good for her to have that oversight, especially to keep her strong in her decision to kick out druggie dad, but she seems to have internalized a lot of what she needs to do as a Mom and she is doing a good enough job of it.

People seem to have a hard time understanding Lani's and my relationship, they assume that there must be jealousy and repressed resentment.  But there is not.  We have worked past a lot of stuff and now we trust one another to love and raise our precious DBG.  It works well for Lani to have a break every two to three weeks and we love to have DBG visit.  We also have Lani visit, she was with us Christmas morning and stayed for Christmas dinner.  Sometimes she hangs out when she drops DBG off.  The best way I can describe it is, it's like she is my daughter-in-law and I think that is kind of how she might feel about the relationship.  She calls me her second mother.  All in all we have stepped through the minefield of reunification and come out the other side an extended family.

Bad News, Prayers Needed

Lani told me when I took DBG back that her, Lani's father had been taken to the emergency room again with heart issues, apparently an aneurysm. So prayers for DBG's PaPaw. He is the glue right now holding things together. If he cannot support the family financially I don't know what will happen. Lani is of course panicked, but luckily her big sister flew in to help out so the burden is not entirely on her shoulders.

Computer Problems and an Action Packed Weekend

What could possibly be grander than seeing the big guy in red and getting to dance on the big stage? Dancing Baby Girl had quite a blast at the Christmas dance recital.
Then it was on to tree decorating. First DBG had to supervise the placing of the lights. Luckily my DH has the patience of a saint.

Then it was time to decorate. Boy did DBG have a blast. She looked at each ornament, wanted to hear the story that went with it and took real care in hanging them. She is wearing her Christmas dress here as we had a Christmas program at church. you may not be able to see, but the dress sparkles, her tights sparkled and she had on glittery shoes. She was in seventh heaven and the envy of the Sunday School classroom. Hey, what are quality hand-me-downs for?
After all that she changed so that we could make cookies for Santa Claus. I am not sure she really understands that Christmas is still a few days off. But we put milk and cookies under the tree anyway. Who can deny the hope of a 4 year old? (She kept looking up the chimney to see if he was coming down :-))

After all that she took her reindeer for a ride and had a wonderful imaginative playtime with the reindeer and the snowman, constructing an elaborate story. She was being such a delightful goober that we did a whole series of funny pictures with the reindeer.

On another note, my computer is very ill. I backed it all up to the server and it is limping along but I do not know for how long. So if you don't hear from me for a bit it is just computer issues.

4th birthday reprise

Just got back from the birthday party that Lani threw for Dancing Baby Girl. She did it up right and was so proud of herself. DBG was so thrilled, she kept saying this is my party? this for me? She handled the excitement well, only was mean once and that was to her Mom. i got to meet some of Lani's other family members and they all handled my presence very well. I think that is because Lani is so comfortable with our relationship.

I am proud of Lani, this was a huge step for her, the first birthday party she has thrown and it may have been the first one she has gone to like this. I get the feeling she didn't have a lot of the experiences that one would hope for for a child, like a recognition of your special day, etc.

Anyway, I am tired after a long and pretty emotional weekend for DBG. So I need to get some sleep, work again tomorrow whether I am ready or not.

4th Birthday

(This was last year! when we weren't broke.)

Today is Dancing Baby Girl's 4th Birthday. But I do not know why it had to start before 6 AM. She keeps asking when her birthday is going to start. I think she is going to be a little disappointed as her party is not until tomorrow and is being organized by her Mom, Lani. In order to not overshadow that effort we are just doing a little family thing here with cake and presents.

Last year we had a bit of an extravaganza as it was both her birthday party and her good bye party with all her day care and other friends. So she may have unrealistic expectations.

We are baking her cake together and I think she will enjoy that.

For Your Viewing Pleasure

Lani said she didn't mind if Imiki's face was visible and he has never been a foster kid so I am breaking no laws. So here it is The First Haircut!!!

Isn't he adorable!!

We got the haircuts last weekend so that they could go with Spidey and get a sibling picture made. Spidey's foster mom and I are giving that to Lani for Christmas. I have a lot of cute pics of DBG getting her haircut too, but all of them show her face. I also have some adorable shots of the 3 of them waiting to get their pics taken in their matching red and green Christmas pjs. But I can't post any of those, sorry, you will just have to use your imagination.

All 3 kids look remarkably alike, Imiki looks a lot like Spidey did when he was younger, except Spidey was always much skinnier. And DBG looks a lot like both her brothers but with feminine features. They are the most adorable kids around.

Rain, rain go away

It is a rainy Saturday with an energetic almost 4 year old driving me crazy. I love having Dancing Baby Girl around but I think we have set unrealistic expectations for entertainment. Usually when she is with me it is go, go, go, to the zoo, the playground, walking and biking, hiking and exploring. But between the rain and my bronchitis it is not a good go, go, go weekend. So DBG is restless and being overly active inside.

We did go grocery shopping. Then we "napped", (Yeah right, screamed and fussed for 45 minutes is more like it) and then we played dress up, cooked cookies, cut with scissors and now we are painting. And it is only 3:30! Not sure what we are going to do for the next five hours. If it weren't hovering just above freezing we would go for a walk in the rain any way, but I don't need pneumonia on top of my bronchitis.

Life has a way of being real just when a little fantasy would be nice.

Last night I had the joy of attending the adoption party of my last foster child. (pictured above) I only had her for a long weekend before she transitioned to her foster to adopt home but I have remained the mentor for her parents even after I closed my home. It was a joyous celebration and a good time was had by all. Hers was one of several adoptions that our agency had yesterday on National Adoption Day.

She was a fun placement even though she came to me in the midst of her own inner turmoil from a disrupted pre adoptive placement that included abuse and severe neglect. I saw something in her that really drew me in and if she hadn't had a placement all ready I would have wanted to hang on to her. As I told her parents "She's a keeper." and it has turned out well, not without quite a bit of adjustment on both hers and the parents parts and none of us are naive enough to think that it will all be easy sailing from now on. But it was great to see her, so relaxed, so well looking (compared to the malnourished, anxious child she was) and so secure.

So I had a brief respite from 4 year old demands but now that the paint water has spilled on the floor and I have discovered that she has painted a few things besides her paper, I guess I had better go.

Its bronchitis, again and DBG news

Well, I have been struggling with a bout of bronchitis, seem to get this every Fall and early Winter. I am bummed, had great hopes that with the weight loss and the exercise regimen that I might be able to get through the season without the bronchitis. It is so exhausting to cough constantly. And I hate my inhalers. Whine, whine...I know.

Other than that let's see what has been happening.

Halloween pics will arrive soon, as Torina says, promptly next Spring:-) Had Lani and Imiki and Dancing Baby Girl come down for Halloween and Lani and Imiki also stayed over (DBG always stays over every other weekend). It was fun to see how excited Lani was to do Halloween with her kids, I think she is getting some experiences that she never had as a child. Lani's sister lives here in the city not too far from me so we met up with her and DBG's little cousin Kiera. Then later that evening after the kids were asleep Lani asked me if it was okay to leave the kids with me and go out dancing with her sister.

It didn't take me a minute to say yes. Lani has had to be all to the kids for a long time without much support. For her birthday recently all the recognition that she got was that DBG sang Happy birthday to her and Imiki clapped. (this brought tears to her eyes, and she said it was the best present she had had in awhile) But she is still a young adult and her responsibilities sit heavily on her young shoulders. I told her to go, have fun, rest assured the kids were safe for the moment and meet her own needs for fun for an evening. She and her sister had a great time and Lani was so thankful to us for not being judgemental, etc. Heck why should I be judgemental, I was just jealous :-) I haven't been dancing in ages.

The next day we got haircuts for both kids, Imiki's first one! and then we met Spidey and his foster mom and did sibling portraits in Christmas pajamas. Lani hadn't seen Spidey in about a year and even though she didn't interact with him, and we hope he didn't see her, she was able to sneak a peek. She has really come to good place with her decision to TPR on him, she knows that she would not have been able to meet his needs and if she had tried she would have lost all three kids.

Then Lani and Imiki went on home and DBG and I finished our weekend together by going to the zoo on Sunday.

On Monday Lain and Imiki came back into town and I went with her for Imiki's heart surgeon appointment. Poor little guy is going to have to have heart surgery and Lani really wanted someone there for support and as an extra set of ears. Came to find out that he has three things wrong with his heart and they are only going to be able to fix one with the catheterizing. They will watch the other two valve issues and we will all pray that he doesn't have to have open heart surgery. Lani was really shocked by the news that things were worse than they thought and she had quite a breakdown on the way back to my house. That's a whole lot to deal with as a very young single parent who is barely holding her family together on the income from a McDonald's job. DBG was not happy about going back with Lani and pitched one of her fits, yealling at the "Judge" who says she has to only visit our house etc. Lani absorbed DBG's anger pretty well and we talked about how DBG was out of her routine and napless. When Lani called that evening she said things were fine from the point of leaving my house, so I was glad she didn't have to put up with DBG in a foul mood on top of the bad news she was still processing about Imiki.

So that is my catch up post.

I was thrilled about the election results and then by Thursday I started with the bronchitis.

Catching Up

Of course our pumpkins would be ballet dancers!

Lots of catching up, it has been busy, busy!

First the good stuff, we had a Dancing Baby Girl Weekend and had a good mellow time of it. hoped to meet up with Spidey but he had a strep throat. Couldn't have done the full sibling picture we wanted to anyway as Imiki was home with bacterial pneumonia. Lani can't wait for his heart surgery as she hopes his overall health will improve.

My banner got finished, or at least finished enough to hang in the sanctuary for the baptism on Sunday. I will get a picture of it up here soon. So that is a load of responsibility off my shoulders.

Now for the stressful stuff.

Kendra: She has been feeling very exhausted, looking very pale and complaining of dizziness, so I took her to the peds on Friday and we wound up with an emergency cardiology consult. She is experiencing vasoconstriction to a severe enough degree that they were concerned about seizures!! Anyway they sent her home to bed and started her on some meds to alleviate the vein constriction and collapse. She couldn't dance in her school Dance program's semester dance on Friday night (don't know how she is going to get a grade now) and she couldn't go to the Homecoming Dance on Saturday night.

She spent most of the weekend asleep or lying on the couch but pushed herself to study for a big AP test today and insisted on going to school to take it. The meds do seem to be helping, she no longer looks like a Cullen (vampire for you non-Twilight fans). And she made it through the school day. So I am hopeful. We still have a gazillion specialist appointments to go to. I am glad it wasn't an emergency or anything as the earliest possible appointments with the neurologist and endocrinologist are not until January.

Kendra's biggest fear is that the doctors are going to tell her she can't dance any more. That would be a hard, hard test for her as dancing is her life right now.

Annie: Well the saga continues. the reconsideration letter has been sent to the Medicaid people, a long term waiver has been sought and we are still in limbo. Then tonight Annie calls and she has spoken with her case manager and she is going to go live with this guy that she has talked to a lot on the phone, see he is a really good friend of hers (they have never met face to face), because she has to leave the rehab program because of no funding. Anyway we were pissed that the case manager talked with her about all that and dismayed with the end result that Annie has cooked up. She really didn't follow most of what the case manager was telling her, all she heard is that she has to leave and so she is going to go live with this guy. I swear she is packing her bags as we speak, I know how Annie's mind works.

I am praying that she does not go all impulsive on us and sign herself out of the program. If she can just wait a little bit we think it will all get straightened out and she will be able to move to a post-acute facility here in our city. But Annie is not one for waiting once she has gotten a bee in her bonnet.

DH's work: or lack thereof. The prospects remain dim, he is actively searching for a job, has sent in his resume, etc. but the word is that folks aren't hiring even for previously posted jobs. I saw that happen at my job, one day there were four job postings on the board, the next day they were all gone and an announcement of a hiring freeze was made. It is a scary time. All I want to do is to be able to pay for the house and buy some food. Survival mode is grim but it may not be enough. I try to avoid thinking of the what ifs.

Anyway DH is going out to California this next week and he will have two "interviews" which are not really interviews but at least discussions with those people who might possibly hire him if they are hiring anybody. He has gone back to school and gotten himself certified in two other systems so that he can solicit work on those computer platforms as well. He is trying hard, the economy is just not cooperating.

So now you are caught up. I have to go pick Kendra up from her teaching, ballet of course, I hope she has enough energy left to do her homework or she will get even further behind. On that happy note....

Outreach and connecting

This is one of the members of the second cast "Disco of the Dead", dancing with one of the spectators who is autistic and mentally retarded, but who is the sweetest, gentlest person you ever met. She absolutely loved being asked to come up and dance with the group.

Here Kendra is helping another young spectator make a "potion". They invite some of the small children up at various points in their show to help with things like this.

One of the great things about these performances is that the girls get to do a lot of outreach. They were performing at the local children's shelter house and were a delight interacting with the kids. They also sometimes dance at senior centers (more around the Christmas holidays) and spend time after the show talking with the seniors. I love the outreach part of this performance group. Most of the time they are performing for free at these functions. A wonderful service to the community.

This particular evening was also a chance to connect. We saw several of the families we know who are involved in foster care and spent time with them and the kids. At one point I don't know how it happened but I became responsible for the two hyperactive 6 year old boys of the group and they were literally pulling me in different directions. We finally settled on playing at the bubble truck. Then we had to race over to the inflatables, then race here, then there. In 5 minutes I was a wreck :-)

We got to see Spidey as he was there with his foster family. Can't show you the cute pic I got of Kendra and Spidey though, sorry. First thing Spidey asked me was where was Dancing Baby Girl, he really misses her and the social worker won't let them visit. (DBG was with her mother this past weekend as I had a festival obligation all day Saturday)

Anyway a pleasant evening of connections.

Funky Day

This is a picture of DBG and her pinata, and me of course. DBG got it into her head to make a pinata after seeing it on a video (Preschool Power). So we did and she did a marvelous job of stepping through all the tasks and staying focused. She even waited for it to get dry before she decorated it.

This picture has nothing to do with this post.

I have had a difficult day, not a bad one and so many others have been far worse, but I am in a grumbling complaining mood so I'll tell you all.

It was all about work. Today is the only day this week that I get to spend at my desk because I only work 25 hours a week. The rest of my time, this week, is filled by 4 hours of training foster/adoptive parents, 4 hours of supervising a volunteer work crew that is helping to set up the new room for our Foster Parent Resource Room, and 11 hours out at a community festival promoting our program through an information booth. I like the diversity of my job and I am not one to enjoy sitting endlessly at my desk. BUT... I cannot do my job and meet performance expectations if I only have 6 hours at my desk and half of that is taken up by staff meetings and supervision.

See I am whiny today. I just feel overwhelmed and like I am falling behind and I hate to play catch up, it really stresses me out. I feel unprepared for training, I haven't gotten back to about 7 information requests and did not have time to follow up with a foster mom who was requesting school uniforms for her new kiddo.

Hopefully next week will be less chaotic and I can get back on top of things again.

Some pics of our DBG and Imiki weekend

This was DBG as Snow White at the Halloween Party at the zoo, Imiki by this time had taken off his costume and his shoes but he still wanted to dance.

Can you guess where we went? Yup the pumpkin farm. Imiki had to try to pick up every pumpkin he saw and DBG could not decide at all which one she wanted, so had to try out about 27.

Dancing Baby Girl and her little brother Imiki came to stay for the weekend while their mother, Lani moved out of her place and back home with her father. Papaw has a four bedroom trailer so they will be able to squeeze in but it is a real hurtful pride thing for Lani to have to move home to her old room that she grew up in. She had to sell and give away some of her hard earned possessions because there would be nowhere to store the couch, the coffee table, the big chair, etc.

Meanwhile back at our house we were having a blast. Friday evening, right after dinner we went for a walk and stopped at our favorites neighbor's house because they have a swing set. They invited us to stay for their son's 4 year old birthday celebration. So we spent all evening with them and had cake and ice cream to boot.

On Saturday I planned with my good friend Diane that we would go to the pumpkin farm. She has a placement of three foster brothers, 9 months, 2 years and 6 years, then also had a 10 year old in respite and her severely MR 20 year old daughter. Thank goodness my son Douglas agreed to come along and help us herd the crowd. It was a delightful day, sunny but not too hot. We did the petting zoo and the barnyard fun things, then we went out to the pumpkin patch on the hay trailer. After that we had ice cream and came home. My two were zonked and had an early bed.

After church on Sunday we had a quick nap then went off to the zoo where they have a Halloween Party for kids 11 and under every weekend evening. The kids had a ball. I wish I could show you the pic of DBG all dressed up in her Snow White costume standing next to the "real" Snow White. DBG was so happy to be Snow White and just thrilled that there were several other Snow whites too. We walked around, went through the pumpkin maze, rode the train and the carousel and then came home.

After dinner we had to take the kids back and so we met Lani half way and she showed us the way to Papaw's house and the new daycare. DBG was somewhat reassured to know that we knew where she was now living and going to school but the move has still upset her quite a bit. She was clingy and whiny during the weekend, playing her little power and control games that we hadn't seen in awhile. She had a meltdown when it was time to go and was screaming that she just wanted to come live with us again, but by the time we met Lani she was all excited to see her and gave her a big hug and was happy again.

There are lots of issues, I just hope Lani can keep it together. She seems to be doing all the right things and trying her best. I am supporting her as much as I can by phone since we live two hours away. (Yeah that makes a lot of driving in a weekend) Lani is so scared that CPS will take her kids again. I am hoping that she can calm down a little and really make this new arrangement work. In the meantime there are lots of issues with getting Dad out of the picture at least until he is clean and sober. She needs to have safeguards in place to keep him away from the kids as he gets aggressive and violent while on drugs. She is also starting a new job at McDonalds in hopes of being able to save some money to get back out on her own sometime in the future.

We had a great weekend with the kids, Lani had a productive weekend moving. And now we will see what comes next.

Lots of change for Dancing Baby Girl

I have been on the phone almost daily and nightly with DBG's Mom as she goes through quite a trial. I don't know how much I have posted about their situation, but she was a very young mother with no family support who got involved in drugs and had her oldest two children taken into care. We had Spidey and Dancing Baby Girl for awhile, then Spidey had to move because he was such a violent danger to DBG, and we kept DBG for almost 3 years before she was reunited.

To her credit DBG's Mom has been sober ever since they took her kids with a stable job and stable housing. The same could not be said for DBG's Dad, he continued to be in and out of jail on drugs charges, domestic violence and general threatening and aggression. He wound up going straight for about 6 months and the family was together, DBG, her baby brother who I will name Imiki (which is actually his Hawaiian name but not what he goes by), and Mom and Dad (they lost rights to Spidey along the way.

Things seemed to be going well for awhile and with two incomes their little household was making some progress. Unfortunately Dad fell off the straight and narrow and life exploded for Mom and the kids.

Mom is terrified that CPS will take the kids again (their still being an open protection case on DBG) and she is having to face the fact that Dad was actually lying to her and not paying bills, etc. So she is in financial doo doo, is having to leave her home and move back in with DBG's grandpa, Papaw. DBG will have to change daycares and Mom is in danger of losing her job as she has missed so much work and is basically an emotional basket case and not worth much when she does make it to work.

So I have been trying to lead her through the maze of getting more help and the legal issues of protecting the kids from the dad who gets abusive when he is drunk or high. It has not been a good time.

A Balloon Weekend

I have had the pleasure of spending the entire weekend out at our local small plane airfield doing a recruitment booth at the Balloon Festival. My recruitment booth is to interest folks in becoming foster or adoptive parents.

The Balloon Festival has been awesome, over 100 balloons participating in races, take-offs and arrivals and evening glows. I will try to get some pictures up but I don't know why my picture stuff on my computer is not working right now.

I do these festivals (not all balloon, mostly community) from Spring through Fall to get information out in the community about the desperate need for families for children. This one has been particularly pleasant as the weather has been delightful, not hot, not cold, no rain.

I always enjoy getting to know my exhibiting neighbors, it is such a diverse group of folks that are vendors at these festivals. This weekend one of my neighbors is a great family that does of all things temporary airbrush tattoos. Not my thing, but the kids/teens all love it.

Last night at the festival a group of kids who reside at our children's home came to the festival and they were so excited to see my booth representing their home. several of them commented on the pictures I have displayed of successful adoptions and mentioned that soon I would have their picture there, that about broke my heart since I know that most of these kids are the very hardest of the hard to place in families. But we do keep trying.

So I had been talking with my tattoo neighbors all weekend about what I do and they had been very interested. When the kids all came by they offered to do tattoos for all of them for a very reduced price and I just covered it as most of the kids had no money. You should have seen the joy on the kids faces as they got to have whatever temporary tattoo they wanted. Some of them had a hard time picking out just one, but all of them were thankful to the tattoo artists and just having a grand time. One of the boys is an elective mute but talks a lot with his eyes and he even let the tattoo guy touch his skin, which is highly unusual. Then after he got the tattoo he would catch your eye and point to his tattoo and smile with his eyes in such a wonderful way. I was a great thing to be able to help happen for the kids.

So one more little part of the festival this afternoon, then I can break things down and come on home and be exhausted. Of course all my weekend stuff hasn't gotten done, the food shopping, the wash, talking to my husband, the bill paying, you know the usual. I don't even have Monday off, but I am taking a bit of time in the middle of the week. Busy, busy time of year.

P.S. I need to write a very serious note about DBG and her family situation but I need more info before I proceed. Just please pray for DBG and her parents, especially her Dad. Things are going downhill fast and I don't know where the bottom of the slide is.

A few loose shingles later!

Well at least we didn't have a tree down on our roof or our car or our yard. We are not one of the more than quarter of a million people still without power in our region. We survived the incredible wind storm unscathed. We had hurricane force winds (80-84 mph) for about 6 hours on Sunday afternoon, only we live about 14 hours by car from the nearest coast. Not quite sure what that was all about. All I have to say is thank you to God that we didn't have hurricane force rain or we would be just a little soggy in our shingle less home!

It was pretty tremendous to experience the wind storm. It began in earnest as we left church, but no one really understood how bad it would get. Even the hyperventilating weather folk on TV did not call this one. At home I quickly realized that I should secure my backyard as my picnic table umbrella was attempting to impale itself in the neighbors deck. As I was gathering chairs and small plastic detritus (sand box toys, balls, dolls, etc) DBG insisted that she needed to come out to help me. The noise of the wind in the trees scared her a little but she ran around screaming as the wind blew the leaves and dirt into our eyes. After a minute I realized that the tenor of her screaming had changed and I looked over to find her pushed against the picket fence by the wind, unable to break free. Her little 39 pound body could not withstand the force of the wind, so for the next few minutes she clung to my back like a little monkey as I tried to finish securing things. Just as I thought I was done the wind picked up one end of the rubber mats that we have under the climbing structure and began blowing them around the yard. There were 36 of those buggers, but I was only able to find and put away 33. 3 of them have sailed into oblivion because I scoured the neighborhood later and there was no sign of them. We made it inside and then there was a tremendous crash and the lights flickered. Two large trees had fallen across the road further down from us.

I couldn't take DBG home on Sunday as there was a state of emergency declared and all non-essential vehicles were prohibited from the roadways. Not sure we would have made it the 1.5 hours down to her house anyway as the major expressways were closed or reduced to one lane and many, many roads were obstructed. Her folks were okay, shaken a bit in their trailer on the hill, but thankfully the wind was not as fierce for them and the trailer didn't blow away.

So we spent the latter part of the afternoon helping our neighbors clean up and get supplies. In this tornado prone part of the country it is amazing to me how few folks had the basic necessities, like flashlights, hand cranked radios, batteries, coolers for ice, extra drinking water, etc. Since we were one of about 10 houses in our whole neighborhood who didn't lose power we invited quite a few folks over for a big dinner. My DH absolutely loves the challenge of cooking for a large group.

For the over 250,000 folks who still do not have power they are saying it will be 10-14 days until they do get the power up. We have power and gas (right now) but the groceries are closed or empty and many, many folks are not prepared to survive for that length of time. Luckily we have pantries stocked with canned goods as I have not yet learned to shop for the few we have left and have still been shopping for 8-10 folks. I think we will make it, but I don't know about milk. The bread we can make from scratch if it comes down to it.

We are supplying many of our neighbors with recharging facilities, we have a set up on our front porch with a surge protector strip so that folks can plug in their cell phones for recharging and not even have to bother us. I had to laugh yesterday afternoon. we had 2 cell phones, a lap top and PSP all plugged in. I wish we could help more with our neighbors. We are keeping an eye on our elderly neighbor just one house down, at least she also has power. Many of our friends have lost the entire contents of their refrigerators and freezers. We took what we could of my friends frozen "canning" efforts that she has been putting up all summer but they still lost some of their precious work.

There is no school for the foreseeable future as less than one quarter of the schools in the county system have power and/or are accessible. My job is shuttered and we are all conducting what we can from home as the Children's Home has no power. The residential children are riding it out right now, but may have to moved to another facility if they cannot reestablish power today. They have a small emergency generator and have been able to feed them, etc. but they have no lights, no entertainment, and it is fast becoming untenable. Most of the foster families have no power but are pretty self-sufficient types so have not called for help from the agency. I have offered my home for showers, TV respites, etc. but getting around is still so difficult even though some families may want to take me up on my offer they can't really get here.

The good side of all this, we haven't had rain so the damage to the homes is not as severe as might be, we won't have rain through the weekend so we might be able to get a tarp up on our roof (it is of course the roof line that is over 3 stories from the ground!!). And the weather is absolutely pleasant so those who don't have power are not suffering from the cold or the heat. As my 73 year old neighbor so succinctly said, "Thank the Lord. It could always be worse."

Not a DBG weekend

We are not going to have Dancing Baby Girl this weekend as previously planned and it is a good thing. I was talking with DBG's mom last night and i asked her if she wanted me to take her this weekend or next and she was very happy with next weekend. She said she felt like it hadn't been two weeks yet and that was the best news I have had in over a year. At the beginning of the summer mom was very much pushing for us to take DBG every weekend and was really expressing frustration and exhaustion in dealing with her.

The report about the luau they went to as an extended family last weekend was super positive. Mom reported that everyone was very impressed with DBG and I heard a lot of pride in mom's voice. They have been teaching her soccer and are looking for perhaps a soccer team for her, either this fall or in the spring. I am sooooo delighted to hear such good, positive stuff.

My weekend is shaping up to be pretty hectic and so I am relieved that I don't have DBG, she would not have gotten the attention that I like to give her and she wouldn't have been able to stay the whole weekend as I am teaching for work on Sunday.

So I am happy, a little wistful that maybe they all, DBG and mom and dad, are starting to out grow me. But it is a lot like letting a teen go into adulthood, a little wistfulness, a little fear, but lots of excitement and joy for the days ahead.

Banner project

I am about to embark on a big banner project for church. We are dedicating a new space for the children's area called Grace Place. And I am going to make the banner which will hang in the stairwell that goes down to Grace Place. It is fun to get back into some creative endeavors. I love to sew and quilt but my creative juices have just not been there lately and so I have not done much.

But today it is off to the fabric store for fabric and ribbons and braid and sequins and all sorts of stuff. I have this long weekend to get this done so it will be intense.

Dancing Baby Girl is not with us this weekend, she was with us last weekend. She and her parents are going to a luau put on by some long time friends of the family. They will camp out, meet all sorts of cousins and extended family and there will be a roast pig, etc. DBG's mom was pretty excited telling me about it and I am thrilled that they are doing this. DBG's mom is really starting to step out of her victim role and live again. She had been so depressed that just slogging through the basic daily routine was hard, but she is starting to blossom a little and is finding things to do with the kids, the library, the park, etc. She has even met some neighbors and is socializing a little. It makes me feel more optimistic about her finally being able to claim DBG and them making it as a family.

Well...time flies, I guess

I am having a difficult time balancing work, home responsibilities, and blogging. Sorry folks.

An update, the BIG lie I knew was out there, well it was that they used the new camera with out asking. I didn't know whether to laugh or not. My antennae is so tuned to these lies, but most of the ones from previous teens have included drugs, alcohol, inappropriate relations between the sexes, etc. And here my 15 year old is guilt racked because she borrowed her Dad's camera without permission and then put it back in the place she had found it, horrors!! We still had a talk about responsibility and truth telling but my heart wasn't into consequencing.

Had a Dancing Baby Girl Weekend last weekend and it was great. She was in tune with all of us, only had one or two typical kid meltdowns and we had no sneaky or malicious behavior.

But things are not so good on DBG's homefront, the parents are under a lot of financial stress and with Mom working extra shifts they have had to struggle for childcare for DBG. With some of her acting out behaviors that has been difficult. And so some of the parents' stress is being downshifted onto DBG and she is being characterized as "the problem". They are finding it hard to delight in her at all and that is only increasing her need to get attention anyway she can figure, usually the negative.

On another front school has started again and at least for the first two days it has gone well. I know we will continue to struggle with waking up. Kendra is not the most pleasant person in the early AM.

I am hoping to be more faithful here.

DBG's big brother

We had the delight of seeing DBG's older brother Spiderman at our church this morning. he was in respite while his family was on vacation and his respite providers are members of our church. They had called to check and make sure that it would be okay for Spiderman to come to church and since it was not a DBG weekend we were able to say okay. (DBG and Spiderman are not supposed to see each other, although occasionally we all run into each other, but with Spidey's foster Mom out of town this would not have been a good time to rock the boat, so I was appreciative of them checking).

Spidey recognized all of us, Doug doug, Sissy (that is what he has always called Kendra) and Daddy Doug. He sat right next to me through the whole church service and worked on his coloring books and then played me in awesome tic tac toe for a long time. Spidey gave great hugs and was very appropriate. It was obvious he recognized some people from when he used to attend church with us, but it has been so long that he wasn't comfortable talking to any one.

When church was over he gave us all big hugs again and went quite calmly off with his respite mom. That parting was my one concern, given that he was on edge about missing his foster mom already. But it was great to see him and to know that he still cares about us. Apparently he was telling his respite mom all about going places with me, as they live only about a half mile from us so he was going to the same grocery and the same swimming pool and the same church as he had when he lived with us.

I can't remember how much I have written about Spidey, not much I think since I just named him today in this post. Spidey has the unique distinction of being the only foster child in 20+ years of fostering that we have ever asked to have removed from our home. He came to us at 3 years old straight out of a month in the psych hospital. He had been bounced from family member to family member, been through foster care two different times, each time placed in multiple homes and he came to me for his 12th official placement, (I was DBG's 4th Mom at 9 months of age.)

Spidey is very RAD, has ADHD out the wazoo, anxiety problems, aggression issues, ODD, and OCD. Anyway he is a handful.

We could not keep Spidey because he was an extreme danger to DBG. Spidey was a drug baby, the product of multi generational domestic violence, not only his parents but also his maternal grandparents with whom he was placed for 9 months. He attacked not only DBG but also our large loving black Lab. Every evening in the bath I would find new bite marks and new pinches and new scratches on DBG, even though I was watching and protecting her with all my might. Several times he attacked her in her own crib. As she was learning to walk, he would pounce on her from behind and hold her face down in the couch or the rug trying to "make her stop breathing" was what he would say. If his aggression had been an overt expression of his anger I could have dealt with it, but he was sneaky and would also attack out of the blue even when you thought he was happy. The last straw was when DBG, at about 15 months, would run screaming from him when he walked in the house and hide herself somewhere and shake and shake uncontrollably. Basically DBG was being abused in my home by her own brother.

So Spidey went to residential treatment for almost 9 months and then I got to be his 14th placement again, because they threatened to move DBG out of our house so they could be placed together once he was released from treatment. Well that lasted from the end of November through to early March when he became so self-harming that he had to be put in crisis stabilization for 10 days and at the end of that time it was decided to split the sibs for DBG's safety and Spidey went to live with his current foster mom.

Then the state did an about face on termination and decided to place DBG back with her birth parents just as her Mom was having baby #3 and Dad was in jail again on drug charges. But they encouraged, no forced, Mom and Dad to terminate on Spidey, so that they could get DBG back. So Spidey has been with his present foster home for about 16 months now. And he is doing really well for Spidey. (I don't disagree with the TPR as there is no way that these young folks could have handled Spidey and kept his two younger sibs safe, it is just ironic)

The state is now pressuring this foster home to adopt him and although they want to, they are wavering because the state is refusing to provide certain evaluations and services, as well as some other issues. (And we all know how easy it is to get those things post adoption.) So Spidey is still in limbo, with no web to call home.

But it was sure nice to spend some time with him today and to hear from his respite mom that he has fond memories of the time he was living with us.